"I used your product once, and man oh man...do I feel great!  I look bigger, and thicker, and I have so much more confidence that I finally got "lucky" after 8 years of watching internet porn with just a jar of whiskey and my pet gerbil, Whacker. She was a little older and much more experienced.  Hell, she was a lot older and had no teeth, but, hell, that was a plus! Holy Shit Dude, all I can say is thanks!  I'm gonna shampoo again next month and this time, I'm gonna go further down the street."
Clifford: Lorena, Texas

Well, I'm a little embarrassed to tell this, but my husband of 36 years just didn't hit the mark, if you know what I mean.  I tried to be sensitive, but all he wanted to do was roll back and forth over a pillow and sing Johnny Cash songs...the short versions!  After I slipped some HolyShitDude Male Enhancement Shampoo in his "Dandruff-No-More" bottle, he blossomed into this raging stallion and actually tried to carry me piggy-back out to the tractor.  After we got his lower back from hurting (I'm on a diet, but it's taking a while) he threw the famous "pillow" over my head and started singing the soundtrack to High School Musical...it was ecstasy...thank you and Holy Shit Dude!  You saved my common-low marriage.
Bernice: Leeky, Tennessee

I'm an okay looking guy of 53, but I've been married and divorced 4 times.  They all said I just didn't "measure up,"  and I didn't "fulfill" them "emotionally."  It took a while to figure it out, but I do remember my army physical when they asked us to strip down and the doc begin checking us out.  When he got to me he said, "Hey soldier, where's your stuff?" I heard all the other guys snicker when I told him it was down there, you just had to squint. So he gets this big magnifying glass from the nurse, then just shook his head and told me to lift my belly up.  I heard him tell the nurse, "I can't find the damn thing."  I was so embarrassed but I thought all guys were growers not show-ers.  I used some HolyShitDude Male Enhancement Shampoo as a last resort and now I'm engaged to an ex Vegas showgirl.  She can't keep her hands off me or my stuff.  I would like to buy a year's supply and go pick it up in her new Cadillac.  Holy Shit, Dude, thanks.
Norman: Norman, Oklahoma